Merry Christmas to you!! Did I actually use the word Christmas? Are you offended? (For more on being offended during the holiday season, please read my article entitled Being Politically Correct During The Holidays)!!

Today, since THE holiday is nearing, and I have so much to do (presents to make, wrap, send, etc.) and so little time to write, I figured this would be a GREAT time to start my Love Letter series.

I used to write an article for a local newspaper called Love Letters from S. Frank Stringham. I would write love letters, complete with a love poem (limerick), to inanimate objects.

Since it’s Christmastime, I’ll start with a love letter to a wreath.

Love Letters from S. Frank Stringham

To A Wreath

My Dearest Holly,

First of all, before I start to pine away about how proud I am to be your beau, and before you spruce yourself up, I just want to tell you that I love your cones. I know that you might take that all wrong, but don’t let your insides get into a knot, ‘cause I’m just needling you.

You are so beautiful…even when you’re just decked out in the halls. I may be going out on a limb when I say this, but when the lights are on you just right and we’re near a warm, comfortable fire, I love you with all my hearth.

I admit that I saw you get green with envy when I started singing with Carol, or when I began to drink with Brandy and Sherry (the hot Toddy twins), or even when I was collecting for Charity, but be-leave me, when I’m under the mistletoe…you’re the one that I want to hook up with.

I love to see you adorned with your colorful apparel…it’s amazing to me that you can branch out and wear anything, from your flashing sequins to your western wear (complete with spurs). I especially love it when you greet me with bells on…talk about making me go dingy…and I’m not just ribbon you either.

When you’re around me, I start to feel real tingly. Your perfume reminds me of the first time we met in the woods and when I first held you…I remember how sappy we got together.

My deep-rooted love for you will last till Father Time comes to take you away.

And now a poem that suckles, honey.

A Ring of Fir
When people first see you, I vow
They raise an admiring brow
You’re a pretty green vine
Like a round porcupine
So just smile and then take a bough.

I love you; hang around for the holidays, O.K.?

Love, S. Frank Stringham

A doctor, an architect, and a lawyer were sitting around one day arguing about “what was the first occupation ever?”
The doctor says, “God took a rib from Adam and created Eve…that was a surgery. So doctor was the first occupation.”
The architect says, “But before that, he created the world out of chaos…so architect was the first occupation.”
“Ahhh,” chimed in the lawyer, “who do you think created the chaos?”

Unless you’re an attorney with no sense of humor, this is a very funny joke. I have used it many times to open seminars, workshops, and other speaking events…though I only use it when I can tie it in with the subject or group that I am addressing (a future article).

When you read the joke, did you laugh, smile, shrug and nod your head, or did you do nothing? Maybe to you, it was a “groaner”…or perhaps you didn’t even get it.

I hope you laughed…you needed it.

We all need to laugh.

A colleague of mine, Karen Dougherty, recently wrote a brief article about laughter (Laughter is Good Therapy). She mentioned a couple of statistics about laughter:
-The average adult laughs about 15 times per day
-The average preschooler laughs about 400 times per day.

What happened to us? That means, as adults, we laugh (oh great, don’t make me do the math) 96.25 % less than we did when we were kids. That’s outrageous!! We’ve got to snap out of it!!

Wait a minute…a thought just occurred to me. What if we just forgot how to laugh?

Besides a couple of the Star Wars movies, George Lucas wrote one of the most entertaining movies that I have ever seen. (I bet you never thought you’d read that line, did you?) It is called “Radioland Murders.”

It has everything in it, mystery, intrigue, romance, music (it is not a musical, though it has a lot of singing in it), and, oh yeah, it’s a comedy through and through.

I bring it up for a couple of reasons…

1) I have mentioned in previous articles that there are different levels of humor. This movie is way up there in the “smart” humor area. This movie didn’t make it in the “real” world because the pace is too fast and the humor is quick and, sometimes, too subtle (although there are some great slapstick scenes) for the regular “Joe.” I don’t know if you know this, but in order to appeal to the masses, most forms of entertainment are geared toward an 8th grade level of intelligence…or less. I saw this movie with two friends (they sat on either side of me in the movie theater). I was smiling, laughing, and being thoroughly entertained during the whole movie. Afterwards, I mentioned how entertaining and funny the movie was and my friends told me that they didn’t think so. I was baffled…they didn’t get it. It turns out that I didn’t get it either. The first time I saw the movie (by the way, it’s got an all star cast), there were so many things that I missed. Of course, I bought it and I watch it quite often. Every time I do, I see something new and I laugh all the time…still.

2) There is a scene in “Radioland Murders” where a tightly wound, stick-in-the-mud sponsor (Brion James) is watching the radio show from his own personal booth…scrutinizing…scrutinizing… Clearly this character has never laughed a day in his life. Then, in an attempt to end his life, the killer pumps “laughing gas” into the booth. He, the sponsor, smiles…catches himself, back to the grimace. A little giggle…he is shocked at himself…grimace. Laugh out loud…and now he can’t stop. Witnesses watching this scenario say he must have had a lot of “stored up” laughter inside of him.

That’s where I think a lot of us are…we have laughter stuck inside of us waiting to get out.

Just so you know, when I say “us” and “we,” I’m not really talking about me (I have never been accused of not laughing enough)…I’m talking about humanity in general.

I am the happiest man in the world. Part of that belongs to the fact that I laugh a lot. I’m not afraid to let it out. I don’t care what others think of me. So there it is…the first rule of laughing…

Forget Peer Pressure – Be Secure With Yourself
One of the reasons people don’t laugh is that they are afraid of what others might think of them. “What if they think that what I laughed at is stupid? Then they’ll think that I’m stupid.” So what if they think your stupid? When those people are leading miserable lives and dying at an age much younger than you, who do you think is going to be considered the stupid one?
This is a trap that teens find themselves in constantly. I see it all the time when I’m doing a show at a school. It takes a while for me to get them warmed up into a laughing mode because they want to make sure they’re not the only one laughing. When they see the well-adjusted kids laughing at me, then they start to join in. There has only been one exception to this. I performed at a high school for gifted kids and they laughed from the get-go. They weren’t worried about peer pressure. They were secure with themselves.

The second rule to laughter is this:

Don’t Suppress the Laughter – Let It Out
There have only been a couple of times that I didn’t obey this rule…and one of those times was at a funeral.
This “rule of laughter” is pretty self-explanatory…don’t squelch it. If something strikes your funny bone, laugh…laugh out loud…laugh for as long as you need to…laugh!! Does this ever happen to you…you see something that is really funny and you try to hold in the laughter and because the force of the laugh is too strong, you spray nose mucus all over the place. If that happens to you…especially if it happens to you a lot, then you are trying to suppress the laughter. Stop it!! Enjoy the moment!!

Start Little…Then Let It Grow
If you really have to work at it, that’s all right!! Practice laughing!! Start with a snicker (teehee)…then do a snicker and a giggle (teehee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee). Now do a muffled guffaw (Ha!)…do 5 of those in a row (Ha!, Ha!, Ha!, Ha!, Ha!). You should be doing these in front of a mirror so you can see yourself and laugh at yourself laughing. Practice, practice, practice!!

Develop Your Own Style of Laughter
Some people aren’t happy with their laugh…the way it sounds, the way it carries, the way it comes out of their mouth. You can change it…but you have to be aware (not beware…just be aware). There have been a few times in my life that I started laughing differently. One time was because it was the fad (oops, you caught me…oh well…at least when I give into peer pressure, it’s the kind that dictates HOW I laugh and not IF I laugh). Another instance, I had accidentally laughed a certain way (a way that I didn’t usually laugh) and a girl who I liked said it was cute…so I made it a point to laugh that way all the time (what we men won’t do for a woman). Now…I just laugh how and when and where I like. Sometimes I’ll think of that scene in Mary Poppins where Uncle Alfred sings about loving to laugh (if you haven’t seen it or if you haven’t seen if for a while…I highly recommend it. He sings about a lot of different ways to laugh).

There’s a lot more to laughing, but for now…go and experiment! See how much you are laughing…then do everything in your power to double it…then double it again!!

You’re life will be higher, happier, and healthier!!

Ha…haha…hahahahaha…ho ho hee hee haha HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Happy Kwanukkmas…or not!!

A friend of mine works for a transit authority driving a train (the kind where vagrants and businessmen can co-mingle for a few miles). Last year, as he was ending the shift before his holiday vacation (2 weeks in sunny Cleveland), he got on the loud speaker and wished everybody a Merry Christmas. He got in trouble for doing this. Someone on the train complained.

WHAT!!?

Let’s try to analyze the absurdity of this event…

First of all, we live in a free country where we have the right to say what we want, be what we want, worship what we want, and order what we want and then super-size it.

So should I be offended if somebody tells me Happy Kwanzaa…or Happy Hanukkah…or Happy-Go-Lucky (those darned Irish)?

What if I was an atheist? Should I go around and say “Happy Nothing To You”…(or would it be “Merry Nothing…”)?

I’m not slamming anybody’s religion…or non-religion (I don’t slam…I SLAP {Click here to read what I mean}). I’m just offended by people’s “offendedness.”

I have an idea, let’s go rewrite the constitution so that if you wish someone a Merry Christmas, you’ll get fired from your job and thrown into prison…but only if you mean it.

Greeting card companies are going to have to watch what they say in their cards…

Greeting Cards:
“Best Wishes” – I don’t believe in Genies, this card is offensive…
“Happy Birthday” – I wasn’t born…my older brother said I was found under a rock.
“Get Well Soon” – I’m offended…why don’t you want me to get well NOW?
“Congratulations” – What?!! Too much pressure, too much pressure…!!
“Thank You” – Oh great!!…now I have to return the “thanks”…
“It’s A Boy” – Are you throwing into my face that this is a male-dominated society?
“You’re a bigoted, freedom-hating, get-offended-at-the-drop-of-a-hat, sniveling, nefarious, misogynist who loves the dark lord and eats shredded glass for breakfast” – this one is O.K.

It’s not just greeting cards you know…the media, in general, is in huge “politically correct” trouble.

Movies:
“Kingdom Come Can Wait”
“Superior Aristocrat of the Rings”
“Children of a Lesser Prophet-Like Being”
“Jack Donkey 2”
“The Nightmare Before A Special Holiday To Some People”
“Ernest Saves Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and Christmas (Kwanukkmas)…Or Not”
“A Certain Celebrated Festival Day That Will Remain Anonymous Carol”
“How The Grinches Stole Christmas” (This one is actually about the people who I’m talkin’ about)

Television:
“Enemies-Challenged”
“Desperate Dwelling-Spouses”
“CSI: Your-ami”
“The Simpchildren”
“Non-Nationality Idol”
“Absorbent Float Equal-Sided Shape Pants”
“Self-Restraint and Etiquette” (can you get this one?)
“Ms.-vivor”
“No Particular Rank Hospital”

The trouble with political correctness is that you’re never quite sure what you need to be politically correct about…

For example:
What if African Americans are from France and not America…should we call them African Frenchies?
What if some White Anglo-Saxon Protestants (WASPs) come from Central Lebenon…do we call them CLASPs?
If a redneck passes third grade, do we still call him a redneck…or do we let him marry Hilary and preside over America?

It is very confusing…

Why can’t this just be the land of the free and the home of the brave…(although, actually, originally it was the home of the Indians…oops, I mean the Native Americans)?

I’ve got to go back to the television thing…

These people want to take all religious shows off the air and they want to strike the words “God” and “Christ” out of every televised event…UNLESS…the people on the shows are taking the name of the Lord in vain. Constantly, the writers, the actors, and the producers are putting shows on television where every other line is “Oh, my G**!!” How come they aren’t complaining about that? Why isn’t THAT politically incorrect?

Aaaaaaauuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhh!!! (THUMP)

Sorry, I just fell off of my high horse.

Back to the holidays…

Nowadays, our kids have to watch what they sing in school during “the season:”

Songs:
“I Saw Mommy Kissing A Really Good Guy Clause”
“Rudolph, the Blue and Yellow-Challenged – Nosed Reindeer”
“O (this doesn’t mean we’re looking down on the other letters of the alphabet) Holy Night”
“Feliz Navaja Dado” (Rough translation…I Want To Wish You A Merry Jackknife Dice)

“Jingle Bells” now looks like this…

We were hurrying and darting and a rushing
Through the frozen drifts of H2O and tiny frozen particles of ice
Positioned in an singular and solely individual equestrian
Convertible and elevated sled
While we traveled and we glided and we skimmed across the frozen earth and over plots and ranges camouflaged in white
Jovial with giggling and tittering and snickering and chuckling the distance And duration of the journey.

While we listened to the ringing and the clanging of the tiny chimes connected to the Filly, which was sauntering a bit
Enlightened and elated and experiencing a happiness, with pleasure and enjoyment as the specified intent
Ah, to be the entertained recipient and bearer of this pilgrimage while stars are Shining luminescent overhead
Lyrically while crooning this melodious and musical refrain

Tiny little metal chimes that tinkle with delight
Tiny little metal chimes that tinkle with delight
Tinkling and jangling while traveling the distance from beginning of our Caravan and ending at our destiny
Gee, the primal ecstasy and pleasant joviality that permeates our essence and Intelligences while then
Positioned in a singular and solely individual equestrian convertible and Elevated sled…you know I’m talkin’ ‘bout the

Tiny little metal chimes that tinkle with delight
Tiny little metal chimes that tinkle with delight
Tinkling and jangling while traveling the distance from beginning of our Caravan and ending at our destiny
Gee, the primal ecstasy and pleasant joviality that permeates our essence and Intelligences while then
Positioned in a singular and solely individual equestrian convertible and Elevated sled.

That’s just crazy!! How do you make those words fit the music? I don’t know, but if you don’t want to be belittled by the bigheaded ogres who are watching and listening to every politically incorrect thing you say, you’d better do it!!

(sigh)…Happy Holidays…

So this guy goes to prison. Every night, after “lights out,” inmates would call out a number and everybody in the jail would laugh.
“28”…(laughter)…
“62”…(laughter)…
“7”…(laughter)…
This guy asks his cellmate what’s going on.
The cellmate explains (handing him a book), “Since everybody knows everybody’s jokes, they just numbered them and yell out the number of the joke instead of telling the whole thing.”
This guy gets it…he learns the jokes from the book, decides on a favorite, and gets ready for the next night.
“Lights out” happens and someone yells out a number…
“45”…every body laughs…
Someone else, “33”…hysterical laughter…
This guy decides it’s his turn and yells out his number…
“16”…no one laughs…he says it louder…
“16”…silence…he tries it again…
“16”… nothing…
He looks at his cellmate who says, “Well…some can tell ‘em, and some can’t.”

The trick to being funny is to know what kind of funny you are…are you a comic, or are you a comedian?

What’s the difference? Many people have asked me…and the answer is simple:
A comedian “says” things funny and a comic “does” things funny. There are a few professionals out there who could be considered both a comic and a comedian, but usually you’ll find that they are either one or the other.

Jim Carrey is a comic. His physical routines, whether we refer to his movies or we go back to when he was on “In Living Color,” are legendary. Sure, he has some funny lines, but most of the lines wouldn’t be as funny if he didn’t have the physical actions to go along with them. Watch the closing credits to “Liar, Liar” and you’ll see what I mean…they are all action based.

Steven Wright on the other hand is a comedian. He is not physical at all. But his material is hilarious…examples:

“What’s another word for Thesaurus?”

“I’m creating a map of the world…actual size.”

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was the suspect.”

So which one are you? Are you a comic or a comedian? The reason I’m asking is because maybe you never looked at it that way, but now that you know, you can concentrate on being one or the other.

And I don’t even mean professionally. In social situations, when do you make people laugh…when you’re talking or when you’re moving?

I consider myself a comic…except for one thing. I am GREAT with a comeback!! (See my post on How to Be Quick-Witted) Otherwise, I do things funny more than I say things funny!!

If you focus on whether you’re a comic or a comedian, then you can start to work on honing your skills in that area.

If you are more of a comedian…start writing some material. I mean, actually write it down. Think about situations that you might find yourself in and write funny things about them. Then when you’re in those situations, use your stuff…(remembering that not all material works all of the time). Take the best stuff, keep it, and write some more. Most comedians seem like they’re saying things “off the cuff,” but believe me, they have more than likely used the lines many times before.
When I was just getting started as a stand-up comedian (back then that’s what I considered myself…now I consider myself a stand-up comic) I wrote a routine about an Ex-Wife See and Say toy (“C” is for ex-wife…Mooooooo). I had actually written scathing sound or response for every letter of the alphabet and I would ask the audience to yell out a letter and I would do it for them. There were two problems with this routine: 1) it didn’t come across as spontaneous, and 2) it’s just not in me to belittle people as part of my stand-up routine…not even ex-wives…especially when my audience was mostly that…(can you say, “castrate?”).

If you are more of a comic, how do you hone those skills?
The answer: Get a mirror and spend a lot of time in front of it. Facial expressions, body movements, contortion…you know, funny stuff.
There was an episode of “Night Court” (is that dating me?) where Bull ties ADA Dan Fielding into a knot. Now, while I believe that John Larroquette is a fabulous comic and funny man, that piece of physical humor raised him to a level of respect, in my eyes, that most people don’t reach. I was amazed at the physicality of it. It was a very effective feat…I mean I still remember it almost 20 years later.
When I’m doing my routine on stage, I have people tell me how amazed they are that someone like me, who is 6’4” and over 300 lbs. can dance around so gracefully, jump onto and off of the stage like a gazelle, and make sweeping movements without killing myself or getting winded. My size is part of my comic persona!!

Find out what your persona is!!

When you are hanging around your friends, analyze them…don’t tell them that you’re analyzing them, just watch them. I can tell you which of my friends are comics and which are comedians. I have one friend who, most people don’t know how funny he is because his humor is so dry. He is an excellent “comedian,” but most people would question me on that one because his humor is very intelligent and not always “caught.”

On the other hand, in different circle of friends, there is a guy who is so right-on-the-spot funny, that it takes no time at all to be in pain from the laughter (sides splitting, cheek muscles hurting, etc.)

(Just so you know, in future posts we’re going to be talking about these different kinds of “humors”)

Both of these friends are comedians…but they both have a friend who is a comic…that’s me!! I believe that there are more comedians than comics…but it doesn’t really matter which one you are, because if you want to make the people around you happy, if you want to make them laugh…then determine where your strengths lie, concentrate on them, and then put them into action.

Are you a Comic (trip, fall flat on your face, get up…”I meant to do that”) or a Comedian (“An attorney walks into a bar…because I’ve never seen a lawyer who could pass the bar.”)?

Either way, you’re funny!!

A light has gone out…

A picture has faded…

A perfect white sand beach has been deserted…

My friend Jonn has left us…

Jonn Stepp is (I’m having a hard time saying “was” as of yet) a talented, funny, and quick-witted individual who blessed the lives of those around him with smiles and laughter. He could make people laugh in any situation with the use of his humor, his celebrity impressions, and his big heart!! He was a funny stand-up comedian, an improv aficionado, a music lover, a great husband, a dedicated father, and a faithful friend…

They don’t know yet what happened…he was visiting family in Florida for the Thanksgiving holiday. Suddenly he was having a hard time breathing, he was gasping for air, but to no avail. The Emergency people came, but they couldn’t do anything. An autopsy is being performed to find out the cause, but it’s still a mystery…

His wife, Laysi, (pronounced Lī’ See), a beautiful Cuban woman, is devastated. Jonn is only 38 years old…how could this happen?

Let’s concentrate on the positive, though…let’s celebrate his life…let’s do it the way Jonn would have us do it…

Jonn is a nut!! I first met him at the casino Bourbon Street (now defunct) during a talent show competition. Every week, variety artists would compete against each other for cash prizes. I was there every week and so was Jonn. He and his comedy partner, Ronn (that’s right “Jonn and Ronn”), would perform hilarious stand-up routines together using, not just the comedy and improv skills at which they were so adept, but music also.

Ah yes, the music!! Jonn and Laysi would often have my wife and I over to their house for dinner and karaoke. Jonn has an extensive library of karaoke CDs and, at first (when we first started going over to their place) we would just choose whatever song we wanted to sing, but as the months rolled along, Jonn purchased a 100-sided die and a 20-sided die and it got to be more of a game. Since he had about 100 CDs, we would roll the 100-sided die to see which CD we would be singing from, and the 20-sided CD would determine which song on the CD we would sing. There were many-a time that I was singing songs that I had never even heard of…but Jonn seemed to know them all and he put his whole heart into singing them…

In fact, he put his whole heart into everything that he did.

One of the things that inspired me mostly about Jonn was his confidence level. He was good and he knew he was good!! And I don’t mean in a cocky way, either. Jonn had a strong background in improv so he wasn’t afraid to try things that would make most people end up being balled into a fetal position in a corner weeping their eyes out. He wasn’t afraid to bomb!! As a result…he rarely bombed!! It was an amazing thing to watch…and very inspirational!!

Jonn recently wrote a script, that he wanted to pitch to some movie people, about two idiot brothers who perform karaoke songs at functions like funerals, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc…. only changing the words of the karaoke songs to fit the occasion. In his pitching, he wanted to play one of the brothers and he wanted me to play the other. The script is hilarious, and it would make a great movie!! In a lot of ways, Jonn borrowed the script from great moments in his life. He finished it just a few months ago… Coincidence? I think not!!

Anyway, I have titled this article a “Requiem for Jonn.” A requiem is a song played for the dead. As a result, I have to call in a couple of paradoxes:

1) Jonn will never really be dead to me and to those who knew and loved him…
2) You can’t hear the music unless you know Jonn…

I have tried to let you get to know Jonn a little so you, too, can “hear” the Requiem!!

I love you, Jonn…my heart aches because I miss you…but my heart rejoices because you led a happy, joyful, and meaningful life. I know I’ll see you again someday…but until then, keep ‘em laughing!!

Bye…

I recently taught a class, at a convention, about how to be an entertainer. As I was going through the material I was going to present, and thinking about how I could offer it in a unique way, it suddenly occurred to me that I could make each aspect of the full entertainment mode start with the letter “M.” And if you get to know me, at all, you’ll realize that I love to do the alliteration thing, or the letters-in-common thing, or the acronym thing, etc.

So here are 15 ways to improve yourself as an entertainer…and they all begin with the letter “M.” (P.S. I want you to realize that in this posting, I will be covering each “M” just briefly. I will write extensive articles about each “M” separately over time.)

Mentor – Is there somebody in the industry that you admire? Would you like to be more like them? Is there a way that you could approach them and have them mentor you? If not, could you learn more about them through other avenues and then take on some of their great qualities? I have been mentored by a number of people in the industry, each with their own specialty, and I am grateful to each one for their willingness to help an up-and-comer!! Now I pay it forward by mentoring others.

Music - I cannot emphasize enough how important music is to your act. If you are doing something in your act with dead silence (unless it is for dramatic effect) you are going to lose your audience. What you are doing on the stage has to be an extra sensory experience. If you are not appealing to the audience’s eyes, ears, and heart…(some have even used the smell and taste aspects), then you’re not going to make it. Also, make sure the music fits your act and your personality.

Movement – Every move that you make on the stage should have a purpose. You need to choreograph your whole show. If you feel like there is dead time, or that there’s something that you are doing that might not appeal to audience, cut it!!

Model – How you look, and what you wear says a lot about you… You know what your audience looks like, in a demographic sense of the word. How do you want them to perceive you? Dress to fit that image!!

Mature – This basically means, “be professional!!” I have seen entertainers fired because of their bad attitudes, their lack of reliability, their inability to see the whole picture from the point of view of the people who hired them, and overall unprofessional demeanor. Don’t throw tantrums…very few people who do make it to the top and stay there.

Magic – I’m not talking about the David Copperfield kind of magic. I’m talking about YOUR kind of magic. When you are up on the stage, do you love it up there so much that people can tell? Is there a twinkle in your eye? Do you give them the old razzle-dazzle? If not, you need to work on the “magic” part of your act.

Monologue – Just like every movement on the stage should have a purpose, every word that comes out of your mouth should have something to do with your act, with your show, and with the image that you want to portray. This is very important!! Write a script for yourself. If you can’t, hire someone to do it. You don’t have to memorize it word for word, but get the general gist. And you should also write some “back up” dialogues (things that you should say if something goes wrong with the act, or you have hecklers, or the lights go out, etc.).

Mastery – How do you get to Carnegie Hall? ”Practice, practice, practice!!” I’ve seen only handful of performers who are so talented that they don’t have to work at it, but mostly the people who make it “big” do those 3 words that they’ve heard since they were kids…”practice, practice, practice!!”

Masterful – You need to have an air of confidence in this business. If you are timid or you lack self-assurance, people will be able to tell. Then no workie-workie!! Build your confidence levels by performing a lot! Make them think that you are the best in the business, or at least make them believe that you know that you’re the best in the business!!

Methodology – If you want to be the best at what you do, and I am a big believer in this concept, mix and match your talents. Are you a magician as well as a bass player? Put them together…not only will you be the best bass-playing magician, but you’ll also be the only one. Can you combine three talents? I am a singer/comedian/balloon artist (and on top of that, I sometimes add the piano and/or the trombone and/or the song-writing and/or etc.)!! I am the only one of my kind in the world. I have actually seen a few people try to do what I do, but they weren’t concentrating on their strengths, so they flopped. Blend your talents…it is a unique selling proposition!!

Magnetism – This is a tough one if you don’t have a strong personality or if you’re still working on the Masterful part of this article. It’s actually not enough to be confident, you have to channel it in the right direction and for the right reasons. I have seen very confident entertainers lose gig after gig because the were very annoying with their “confidence.” It can come across like an “I’m better than you” attitude…and that will lose you the jobs. Make sure that you know the right things to say to the agents, producers, managers, directors, and fellow entertainers!

Moving – Make sure that you touch the peoples hearts! Even if you’re a comedian, make sure that they know you’ve got a tender side…it will endear them to you and you will have fans for life!!

Microphone – This subject might take more than just one other post to cover. We’ll be talking about what kind of mike you should use (as well as what type…there IS a difference), the sound checks, the problems you could encounter, and the nuances that you can use the mike for. The microphone can be your best friend or your worst friend. If you have your own microphone to take to the gigs, do it…but make sure it’s a nice one!!

Memorable – If they don’t remember you, good luck getting more gigs. In 5 years, will people say things like, “I saw the most amazing ventriloquist,” or “Remember that band that we saw,” or “I’ve seen a lot of comedians in my time, but there was this guy/girl who made us laugh so hard…” What have you got up your sleeve that will make the audience remember you…whatever it is…USE IT!!!

Muscle – How do you start off with a bang and end with a band, and “wow” them in the middle? You’ve got to get rid of every weak moment in your show. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t have “high” moments and “low” moments (of course we’re talking about energy when we say high and low). It’s impossible to have a constant steady stream of “high.” People aren’t able to handle it…and you probably couldn’t handle it either as a performer. But when you DO have a “low” moment, it can still be strong. A great “low” moment, for example, would be when you exercise the Moving part of your act. Touch their hearts…it doesn’t have to be high energy to be strong!!

…and finally, the

Moment of Truth - This means, have a climax that will “wow” and “awe” your audience. Your finale should be the biggest of the “BANGS” in your show. The strongest part of your act will leave the final taste in the mouths of your spectators. Do you want it to be a sweet and delicious and “I want more,” taste…or do you want it to be a bland and flat and “it was O.K.” taste? Do I really need to ask?

Well, there you have it. 15 “M’s” that will better your life as an entertainer. Use them how you will, just as long as you use them!!

John Kinde is a great friend, mentor and colleague. He is one of the funniest people I know. He has made an in depth study of humor and not only does he live it, but he teaches it very effectively!! He’s a talented humorist as well as an inspirational motivational speaker. He is the founder and producer of the improv troupe that I play in, the Las Vegas Improvisational Players. John has a website dedicated solely to humor…www.HumorPower.com. Check it out…you’ll be awed…

John Kinde is my Guest Author for today’s posting. Get ready to be fed!!

Using Spontaneous and Observational Humor

An impromptu quip will hit the target more often than a canned joke.

Imagine this. I arrive at a junior high school auditorium for a teacher inservice program. While setting up my session, I note two unrelated signs posted one above the other. Most of the 300 arriving faculty members had seen those signs many times. But probably none saw them as I did. In my opening remarks, I shared with them, “This is a unique facility. Look at the sign over the back door. ‘Restroom_Capacity 475!’” That fresh and creative bit of humor helped me attract interest and build a relationship with the audience.

Spontaneous humor is a wonderful way to connect with an audience. An impromptu quip will hit the target more often than a canned joke. Audiences are flattered when the humor is created just for them. The teachers knew the comment about the signs was not a part of my script. And often, an improvised touch of humor lends a fresh appeal to your entire talk.

Here are four keys to the effective use of spontaneous humor:

1- Preparation
2- Observation
3- Courage
4- Practice

First, let’s look at preparation.

What? Prepare to be spontaneous? Of course! Have you ever visited a comedy club and observed how the stand-up comic has an “off-the-cuff” ad lib for nearly anything that comes up? Think of those times when the comic chats with people in the front row and makes a witty remark if someone happens to be from Chicago, or works in the medical field, or is visiting the club with someone other than his or her own spouse. Such exchanges appear to be very spontaneous. But in reality, the comic is often making the “spontaneous” remark for the 50th or 100th time! The seasoned comic has prepared to be spontaneous.

In speaking situations, it’s a good idea to be prepared with humor to handle unexpected events. For example, what will you do or say if the lights go out or the sound system fails? If you’re armed with a humorous ad lib, the audience will be won over when they see the problem hasn’t gotten the best of you.

Preparation should also include a study of your audience. If you circulate a preprogram questionnaire to obtain “inside information” about the group, you’ll be able to customize your humor and make it seem much more spontaneous.

Here’s another tip: carefully note any effective off-the-cuff humorous remark made by you or an audience member, then recycle it during your next talk. Although it may seem contradictory, being ready with a few humorous quips can actually create an illusion of spontaneity.

The second key is observation. Since most humor is based on relationships, the more observant you are, the more likely you’ll be able to create humorous relationships and pictures in the minds of your audience.

“Restrooms_Capacity 475″ is an example of being observant. It was a bit of humor that created a funny picture in the minds of the audience.

On another occasion, while attending a holiday luncheon, I noticed a gentleman wearing loud green and red plaid pants with a black sports coat. On my way up to the stage, I passed by his table and asked him to join me. Once in front of the audience I said, “Bob has started a new tradition today. To carry on this tradition, next year when you arrive at your holiday luncheon, you’ll be required to exchange an article of clothing with someone seated next to you. Would the gentleman wearing the other half of Bob’s suit please stand up.” With only a simple gesture and without any advance coordination, a gentleman wearing a loud plaid sports coat with black pants stood up! It brought the house down.

It’s also a good idea to listen and observe as other speakers make remarks and presentations before you speak. At a company awards luncheon it seemed as though nearly everyone receiving 5, 10 and 15-year service awards had started in the company’s telemarketing department and had subsequently worked their way into other jobs. I added a new line to my opening monologue. “People call me a comedy magician because they laugh at my magic and they’re mystified by my jokes. But I wasn’t always a comedy magician. I used to work in telemarketing!” It was on target and received a great response. The audience appreciated the fresh, spontaneous nature of the remark.

Then there was the time I attended a function where a wide variety of recognition were being given for club service. During the course of the ceremony I noticed that some of the recipients were present and some were absent that evening. So one of my best lines came from a simple observation:

“This is my kind of club. You gave out perfect attendance awards to two people who weren’t even here!” Simple? Of course. But highly effective.

After you’ve prepared and remembered to be observant, you’ll need to exercise the third key…courage! There’s no doubt about it: Trying out new jokes takes guts. But the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll become. It’s worth the risk. Besides, if your audience doesn’t laugh, just pretend you were serious!

The fourth key is practice. You learn humor and spontaneity only by exercising your skills. I recommend you set a goal of using some humor in every presentation you give. Your humor comfort zone will increase and so will your spontaneity as you gain confidence.

A great way to practice your use of spontaneous humor is to join a Toastmasters club. Their meetings help you hone your critical speaking skills. You have the opportunity to give prepared and impromptu speeches. Testing your humorous ideas, you’ll sharpen your skills. When the opportunity comes to say a few words at the close of a meeting, for example, use a bit of observational humor created out of the circumstances of the meeting. Or, if you’re assigned to present a joke during the meeting, bring a “hip-pocket” joke only as a backup. Then, during the meeting, attempt to create a fresh, new joke by exercising your observational skills. It’s not as difficult as it might seem at first. You’ll become more observant and will eventually be able to create five or six pieces of observational humor by the close of every meeting. You can practice this technique at any type of meeting.

By using these keys of preparation, observation, courage and practice you’ll become more spontaneous. You’ll add a freshness to your presentation as you customize humor to your audience and your environment. Your talk will hit the mark…and the funnybone!

Copyright 2006 by John Kinde

“Copyright by John Kinde, who is a humor specialist in the training and speaking business for over 30 years specializing in teambuilding, customer service and stress management. Free Special Reports: Show Me The Funny — Tips for Adding Humor to Your Presentations and When They Don’t Laugh — What To Do When the Laughter Doesn’t Come. Humor Power Tips newsletter, articles and blog are available at www.humorpower.com.”

First of all, you should know that I know why you are reading this article:

· You get frustrated when you can’t come up with a “come back”
· You think you are boring in meetings, sales presentations, and/or social situations
· You are looking to train yourself in “increased response time”
· You want to have more fun and laughter in your life
· You are interested in knowing how a genius thinks…uh, that genius would be me…well, that genius would be me…if I were a genius.

I figure that if I can bring my Skill, Knowledge, Expertise, and Wit to the table, I will be able to SKEW your perception of life

So let’s start with my definition of wit:

WIT = Wordplay Wielding Wonder When Weaving Wisdom With Wisecracks

So, I’m alliterate…

There are 3 things that you have to work on in order to be witty…and, just by coincidence, WIT tells us what they are:

Wisdom
Impulse
Timing

Wisdom: You have to be somewhat knowledgeable to be witty.

Cavemen could not be witty.

Caveman one: “Ugh!!”
Caveman two: “Arrgh!!”
Caveman one: “Ugh!!”
Caveman one and two: “Hahahahahahaha!”

In renaissance times, wit was synonymous with wisdom and intelligence. Their version of movies and television shows were often parlor games in which they would get two known “witticists” into a room together. Here they would “fence” with words. The verbal “thrust and parry” were a great source of entertainment in those days.
Nowadays, you can see this game going on in a more base way…”You’re mama’s so fat that when she’s close by, there’s a total eclipse of the sun!”
Even then, you have to have some wisdom to pull it off. What if someone didn’t know what a “total eclipse of the sun” was…then that statement wouldn’t be funny.

You have to be able to relate to those who are receiving the wit. You wouldn’t tell a spleen joke at a dental convention…it wouldn’t work. Know your audience.

Wisdom is a tricky thing when it comes to wit. In order for you to be able to work your wit in any kind of crowd, you have to know a little about a lot, and it’s even better if you know a lot about a lot. What it comes down to is keeping an open mind, being perceptive and, most importantly, retaining what you have observed. You don’t really have to work at it, just be aware of it…if you learn something new, consciously make sure you commit it to your long-term memory. You’re going to be surprised how much it will help you come up with on-the-spot quips, quotes, and quick-witticisms.

Side note: You must have a certain kind of mind to be quick-witted. For those of you who don’t think you have that kind of mind, fear not…you can develop it. Also, becoming quick–witted is not an overnight process…so don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t happen immediately. I have helped many people improve their wit skills. I run a workshop in my WIT seminars called the University of Unrefuted Imaginative Thinkers (Double U – I – T) where I get in depth about how to improve the speed of your thinking.

Let’s now move on to:

Impulse: You have to be somewhat impulsive in order to be witty.

Large Corporation Executives could not be witty:

Executive one: “I need this done yesterday!”
Executive two: “It will be done before that.”
(Two years later)
Executive two: “It’s done, sir!”
Executive one: “Wow, that was fast!!”
Executives one and two: “Hahahahahahaha!”

Impulse has a lot to do with the humor of wit. What does your mind do when it hears something? Does it stay on a normal track of thinking (blah) or does it devise a double entendre, produce a pun, plan a paradox, conjure a conundrum, originate an onomatopoeia, spawn a second meaning, or actualize an alliteration to what was just said.
This is what happens to me anytime I hear somebody say “I had a ball!!,” there are at least three different scenes that pop into my head:

1. I see them dancing in elegant costumes with Mardi Gras-type masks in a huge hall
2. I see them crying their eyes out uncontrollably
3. I see them giving birth to a round spherical shape

(All of these things mean “I had a ball/bawl…”)

That’s impulse…what your mind does automatically when it hears something.

The best way to be impulsive is to be aware of it 24/7. Every hour of every day, when somebody says something, think in your mind how his or her words could be construed, twisted, or made to have a second meaning. The impulse is to get the wordplay going on in your brain. Then say it…if it’s appropriate. I’ve seen people say funny things at the wrong time (that’s the next section). Don’t be afraid of what other people think of your repartee. And just so you know…you will fail many times!! There’s a saying in the comedy industry – “You have to bomb at least a 100 times before you’re considered an amateur!!” Just keep doing it. The more you do it, the better you’ll get.
When I was in elementary school, I had a friend who nobody wanted to hang around with because of his physical attributes. He was chubby, short, and pink. I liked hanging around him ‘cause he was a good guy, but the rest of the kids were often mean to him. One day I noticed a bunch of 5th and 6th graders in a group standing around and laughing. As I got closer, I realized that my friend was in the middle of this group being impulsively funny. He would tell a joke, they would laught, someone would say something and he would come back with an impulsive funny retort. They loved him! I was amazed!! To this day, I don’t know if he had worked on being funny or if he was just a natural. I guess it doesn’t really matter. That kid was never made fun of again. His life was turned around. He had some new-found and deserved respect because of his wisdom, impulse, and…

Timing: You have to be somewhat punctual in order to be witty…

Women who might be pregnant could never be witty:
Woman who might be pregnant: “I’m late!”
Father to be: (hysterically) “Hahahahahahaha!”

When I was in elementary school - I was the class clown, when I was in junior high - I was constantly the center of attention, but something happened to me in high school. Maybe it was peer pressure, maybe there was a girl I was trying not to scare away, maybe I was trying to find myself…but I became extremely shy. I wasn’t the class clown anymore. I wouldn’t put on whole shows during lunch like I did before. And then one day in a social studies class, my teacher was droning on about graveyards and cemeteries. She happened to ask if any of us knew why they put fences around cemeteries. To this day, I don’t remember if I had ever heard the joke before, and I don’t know if the teacher was actually setting up the joke or if she was serious, but my timing was impeccable. I couldn’t help it…the old me showed up for a second and I blurted it out… ”Because people are dying to get in!” The whole class laughed uncontrollably for about 5 minutes. After that, girls started coming up to me and talking to me. Some of the cool guys in the school acknowledged me. The “funny” me started showing up again and I’ve been that way ever since. All it takes is one time getting your timing right and you’re hooked.

Timing is definitely a skill…you have to work on it. I wish I could say that I have had perfect timing all my life…but it would be a lie if I did. Even the most famous, popular, and talented comics in the world have DIED…but they kept going. It’s a terrible feeling when people look at you after you’ve said something that you thought was absolutely hilarious and just stare at you…maybe even give you dirty looks. But that awful feeling doesn’t even come close to the exhilarating feeling you get when you’ve hit the mark, when you’re delivery is perfect, and when the people who were there to partake of your wit are curled up in a ball on the floor laughing their guts out.

I can’t tell you the whole story, but on one occasion, late at night, in a grocery store, there was only one checkout girl and a long line. I made the line wait even longer because of something I said that made the checkout girl double up in a ball and laugh incessantly. She couldn’t do her work for an extra few minutes. My timing was perfect. People at the back of the line saw her doubled over and thought that she was having a seizure or something. As I left, she was still laughing. Maybe she was just due.

I wish I could tell you that there is a secret to timing, but there isn’t.

Well, O.K., there is.

How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice. That’s the secret…just keep practicing.

In conclusion, I will say this, to wit…wax your wisdom, improve your impulse, and tune up your timing. It will change your life for the better, forever…I promise.

I used to write a monthly article for a newspaper in Las Vegas, “The Vegas Times.” The article was entitled “Love Letters by S. Frank Stringham.” Each month I would write a love letter to an inanimate object as if it were my sweetheart. The articles were replete with puns, one-liners, double entendres, and cornball humor. It was a hit!! I would end each love letter with a romantic poem…well…I would call it a love poem, but it was always a limerick.

Here’s a small portion of one of the love letters (written right before the Super Bowl) complete with a passionate poem (limerick):

My Dearest Fair Catch,
…I remember the first time I ever saw you…I said to myself, “I’m going to Steeler away!! My Chief goal ever since then was to intercept your attentions, go out, catch you, go all the way, do some high-steppin’, center our lives on our time out together, and huddle with you in the grass…
Maybe this poem will say it the best…

Love, S. Frank Stringham

(In the future, I will be sharing some of my favorite love letters…so get excited!!)

Before I continue, I know you’re asking yourself what makes me think that I’m qualified to teach people how to write award winning limericks…did I win an award for my newspaper articles. The answer is “NO!”

BUT…about a month ago, I entered a limerick-writing contest. You could enter as many limericks as you wanted, but the limerick had to be about a “pet peeve.” I entered 7 limericks. The contest was open to people in over 60 countries. Altogether, there were 240 limericks that were entered into the contest. I took first place!!

To see the results, the second and third place winners, and the honorable mentions (of which 4 more of my limericks were a part of), go to John Kinde’s HumorPower Blog

I want to share my limericks with you (the ones that I submitted to the contest)…starting with the winning limerick (inspired by my brother Don’s views on capital punishment):

Jailhouse Rocket Science
“Less crimes” could be so undemanding.
The prisons we could be disbanding.
Have the crooks in one cage
Fight with all of their rage
And relock-up the one that’s left standing!!

I Can’t Believe it’s Not a Butter
I hate people cutting in line.
I’m sure that there should be a fine.
A jumbo-size fee,
Or hung up from a tree…
Wait,…up there’s a good friend of mine…

Avenue Queue
These drivers are making me hiss
This road is a pothole abyss
I’d take on the horde
Of the trafficking board
But I know what they’d want me to kiss.

Waxing RAP-sodic
Music, today, makes me squawk
My head hurts so much, I can’t walk
Someone spoke in a rhyme,
Added drums and a chime
And now they’re revered much like Bach?

Pail in Comparison
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his gripes in a bucket
He wrote down each stink
With some paper and ink
And, each year, took a match and he struck it.

Alms for the Bind
When I work for tips and gratuities
Exerting my best continuities
My disapprobation
Gets BIG veneration
When left nothing but ambiguities!!

HOA-Mongers
“Why rent?” says the Real Estate twit,
“When you could own this money pit?”
Then he drives to the pad
That he rents from his dad
Knowing he is a big hypocrite.

Now, as promised, I’ll teach you how to write an award-winning limerick!!

Let’s begin with the subject…I’ll pull one out of thin air, just to be fair…and we’ll work on it together so you can see how the process is done. Let’s say: cell phones

Now what kinds of things can be related to cell phones, or what kinds of things bug you about cell phones?

The list:
Small
Annoying
Calling plans
Obnoxious providers
(these are just things that I’m writing down off the top of my head)
Text messaging
Cingular
Verizon
AT&T
Sprint
T-Mobile
Camera phone
MP3 player
(still just brainstorming…you?)
Razor thin
Weak signal
Dropped calls
Roaming
Reception bars
(O.K., let’s stop there, we have some things we can work with)

Now, before we compose the limerick, we need to come up with the punch line. Ask yourself, “What, about this limerick, is going to be funny?” We have to have a line at the end that the readers aren’t ready for.

Here’s the first limerick off of the top of my head as I’m writing this article:

Your cell phone is there when you go out
It’s something that you wouldn’t throw out
‘Cause now is the age
It’s the technical “rage”
But it’s just a Cingular blowout!

Pretty lame, right? Well that’s just a beginner…we can get better, but let me tell you where I was coming from with this one…I wanted something that maybe I could work with. I decided to play with the double meaning of singular and Cingular…though that’s probably not the way to go…let’s try another one:

I know that the ringing abhors
In movies and grocery stores
I answer, “Hello!”
But finally I know
It isn’t MY cell phone, it’s yours!!

Ah, this one I like better…it better addresses people’s annoyance with cell phone users who seem to want to show off the fact that they have a cell phone, in public places, by talking louder than normal…(‘scuse me, was that a tangent?) Also it has a twist at the end…it wasn’t me, after all, who was the annoying cell phone user…it was you.

When I was formulating this limerick in my head, I knew that I wanted the punch line to be what it is…”it isn’t MY cell phone, it’s yours,” so I had to think of words that rhymed with YOURS:
Floors
Fours
Doors
Chores
Abhors (Ah, good word)
S’mores
Deplores
Scores (I was trying to use this one…I just couldn’t make it work)
Stores (Aha!!…see yesterday’s blog)

To tell you the truth, when I first wrote it down, the second line said “in churches and grocery stores,” but I rarely hear cell phones go off in church…however, I hear them ring, AND GET ANSWERED, in movie theaters ALL OF THE TIME!! (RUDE)!!

Now let’s talk about the rhythm of the limerick. I think this is essential!! (This is going to be a Music 101 class…I hope you like to waltz)

If you can count to 3, you can get the basic rhythm of a limerick…but you have to start with 3

Start clapping a steady beat (about 1 beat per second until you feel comfortable enough to clap at about 3 beats per second) Each time it’s the first beat of three, clap that one a little bit louder…then begin counting out loud…whisper the small numbers below and loudly say the larger numbers…ready?

3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2
3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2
3 1 2 3 1 2
3 1 2 3 1 2
3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3

Let’s do it again, but this time with the limerick that we just wrote:

I know that the ringing abhors
3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2

In movies and grocery stores
3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2

I answer, “Hello!”
3 1 2 3 1 2

But *finally I know
3 1 2 3 1 2

It isn’t MY cell phone, it’s yours!!
3 12 3 1 2 3 1 2 3 1 2 3

Did you get it?

*(though the word “finally” is usually a 3-syllable word, in this case, to match the rhythm, we say it in 2 syllables)

This is the basic rhythm of a limerick…it gets a bit more complicated with “ands!!”
This will feel like you’re going in double time…clap the same rhythm that you did before, but now when you lift your hand off of the other one, say “and.”

For example:

3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 1 AND 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and
3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 1 AND 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and
3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and
3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and
3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and 1 AND 2 and 3 and 1 and 2 and 3 and

This example is how you would say the rhythm of the limerick above called “Alms for the Bind” (the 6th of the “Pet Peeve” limericks).

Time to title the limerick, then we’ll be done for now…something clever, something with, perhaps, a double meaning or a play on words…hmmm, let’s see:

I guess I could do it…but maybe I should have you come up with a title to our “cell phone” limerick!!

Groovy idea…write to me with your best title…I’ll be waiting!!

The END…
So now, as we end this analysis
Of limerick and rhythm dialysis
I hope, in my heart
You’ve learned every part
Without getting “fanny” paralysis

If you read my post about How to Be Funny…and you looked under the heading of GET THE RIGHT MATERIAL, then you saw that I emphasized the importance of writing your material based on your own life experiences…because most people can relate to you when YOU relate to you!!

Still, I would feel unfair if I didn’t relate to you the fact that there are other sources of material that you have to draw on. But you must remember that when you borrow material from other places, you should either give credit to the originator of the source, or change it enough so that it fits your style and personality, thus making it an original.

For example…if certain celebrities were to answer the age old question:

“Why did the chicken cross the road?”

The standard answer would be: “To get to the other side.”

Jerry Seinfeld might say: “Why does the chicken have to go anywhere? Can’t he just stay home and do nothing?”

Sam Kinison could reply: “The chicken is just trying to get away from being hen-pecked by all the other jealous, self-righteous, look-your-feathers-are out-of-place, peck your eyes out, aaaahhhh, ahhhhhhh, AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Robin Williams: (Actually, I’m trying to keep this site at a PG level or cleaner, so forget about this one).

Jeff Foxworthy might interject: “It was a red-necked chicken, and it was just stealing a worm from the neighbor’s yard across the street.”

Steven Wright could quip with: “Maybe the chicken thought itself to be a tortoise and it was sleep-walking while dreaming it was racing against a rabbit.”

Anyway, these are just speculations…but I think you get the idea. With that said, let’s get on to sources of material that you have at your beck and call.

Movies

I’ve already posted an article about my Top 10 List of Hilarious Movies…movies I like to quote, or refer to, or just sit down and laugh about on my own time. But let me tell you…when you quote movies, please be discreet. One of the most annoying things that I’ve seen people do is quote a whole movie to a group of people (or an individual) who don’t really want to listen to it. I don’t have a desire to write a post about “social retardation,” but someone should, because it is becoming an epidemic. Anyway, if you’re going to quote a movie, do it in a way that makes it sound fresh, original, and funny…that’s the goal here…FUNNY!! When you use a quote, make it fit the moment…don’t just all of a sudden say, “It’s merely a flesh wound. I’ve had worse,” (in a British accent) if it doesn’t work in the conversation you’re having, or the presentation you’re giving, or the class you’re taking, or whatever!!

Books and Magazines

The Reader’s Digest is loaded with one-liners, humorous quips and quotes, “real life” funny stories, and jokes!! Don’t plagiarize them, but find the ones that you think are funny and see if you can put a twist on them that makes them your own.

And it isn’t just the Reader’s Digest; most magazines wouldn’t sell, out there, if they didn’t have some humor in them. Dig into them…most of them have funny stuff for you to “mine”!!

Television and Radio

I belong to the Las Vegas Improvisational Players, an improv troupe here in town. For some reason, I am an avid fan of the television show Whose Line Is It Anyway? I tell my wife that I have to watch it for research purposes. I don’t steal any of their material, but I learn a lot from their techniques and “styles” (teehee)…plus I laugh a LOT!!

And, there are still a few excellent “first run” sitcoms left, but they are getting few and far between, though if you have Nick at Night, you’ve got some of the oldies to watch and study.

I have a confession to make at this point…I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. They are usually the most clever, funny, and smart pieces of advertising that you’ll see all year!! I don’t usually quote commercials, but if the situation is right, I like to tell people about my favorites.

My favorite RADIO commercial was a local ad for Knudsen’s Low Fat Frozen Yogurt Dessert. There’s no way I can quote it in print so that it would come across funny, but if you ever see me on the street, ask me to tell you about their radio commercial and I’ll quote it word for word, verse for verse (since there’s some singing involved)!! You WILL crack up!!

Stage Productions

You’ll soon find out that I love the stage, so even though I know I could have grouped this one in along with the Movies or the Television and Radio section, I voted to keep it as it’s own source for you!!

The stage is a blast…being in front of a live audience is invigorating, especially when they are clapping, laughing, and asking for more. It may seem like I’m digressing a bit, but I merely mention it because there is so much brilliant material that you see in a live stage show…whether it’s a Neil Simon play, a Gilbert and Sullivan operetta, a David Copperfield “live” performance, or “open mike” night at a local dive. If you ever get a chance to see some of the old taped performances of Victor Borge, Red Skelton, or The Smothers Brothers, don’t pass them up…FUNNY!! They all have their own styles and personalities, but if you look and listen closely, you will probably realize that they have material that you could have written if you had put your mind to it (a future article).

The Internet

Though there are many places that you could go on the internet…my friend and mentor, John Kinde, of HumorPower.com, has a newsletter, a website, and a blog whose whole message is about HUMOR, how to write it, how to perform it, how to speak it, how be it!! John is an expert on humor…I truly don’t know anybody funnier than John and I highly recommend that you go to his site and learn…and learn…and learn…

So, all in all, I would hope that I have given you an idea or two about how to get more “funny” material into your life…whether you are using it in idle conversation, on the stage, in business meetings, or for that sermon you have to give in your church.