When I started dating my wife, Lynnae, one of the first things I told her was that I didn’t have an original bone in my body. I told her this because I am prone to quoting lines from movies if the situation calls for it (granted, because my timing is excellent ((humbly, I admit that)), it usually comes off fresh and funny).

It was kind of like having a plagiarism insurance policy. What if I was caught in my piratical mode? No problem, I already confessed up front. (Way to cover your funny…I mean, fanny).

There are a few movies out there that I like to quote from, and hundreds that I love to watch just for the laughs.

So, I thought that I would share with you, MY Top Ten List of movies that make me laugh.

Disclaimer: I know that my sense of humor may not be the same as yours (most of the movies on this list are parodies and spoofs…these are generally referred to as “dumb” comedies, but there are a few “smart” comedies on this list…I’ll point them out), so my Top Ten may different from your Top Ten, but I wanted to share these with you because if your sense of humor is close to mine, and you feel like a GREAT, side-splitting, eye-watering, cheek-hurting, belly-busting laugh, then check these out.

Unlike the late, great David Letterman (no, he’s not dead, he’s just late night), I’m not going to start with number 10 and work my way to number 1…that would be too difficult. If I’m in a certain mood, one of these movies may be rated #1 in my book, but if I’m in a different mood, another one may be my favorite…so you just get the list in no particular order.

When I first started doing stand-up comedy, I had just gotten out of my first marriage, so I had a lot of material to work with…and people could relate (they could also heckle, stalk, and throw up on you). I wish I could say it was easy becoming a stand-up comedian, but I can’t…I also can’t say “Red Leather, Yellow Leather” or “The Sixth Sheik’s Sixth Sheep’s Sick” fast 5 times either.

There are some things that I would like to cover in this article about becoming a stand-up comedian (comedienne, for you ladies out there):

1. Easily overcoming the fear of being in front of people
2. How easy it is to break into the industry
3. All the money you’ll be making
4. The closeness that you’ll develop with your spouse/partner/significant other/etc.
5. Where to steal jokes…I mean, how to write your own material

To start…it’s been said about the comedy industry, ”you have to die on stage at least a hundred times before you’re even considered and amateur.” So now I have to ask you, “are you ready for that kind of life and that kind of rejection?” If not, read no further.

It’s especially difficult when you’re on stage and the crowd is not YOUR crowd. I’ve done gigs where I opened for top comedians and afterward the people in the audience came up to me and told me that I was so much better than the headliner. Of course, I’ve been the headliner who had a brilliant comedian go on before me and there was nothing I could do to win them over to my comedy…it’s a killer. On the other hand, if people are there to see nothing but the headliner…good luck…I hope you like being abused…because it IS going to happen to you!!!

I had a comedian friend who opened for Judy Tenuta. The audience was so rowdy, so ready for Judy, that all through my friend’s set, the audience jeered and started chanting “Judy, Judy, Judy!!” They never really saw his act…they didn’t give him a chance. This was so devastating to my friend that he never did stand-up again…which is a real pity to the world of comedy because he was good. I mean; he was REALLY good!! That audience ended a career. Are you ready for that? If not, read no further.

Now, how to go about getting to the place where you can be abused is just as fun.

Mostly you should read your coffeehouse newspapers or surf the net for places in your area where they have comedy open mike nights. I suggest that you go the first time just to watch, get a feel for the place, go home, write some stuff that appeals to that audience (you’ve got to play to the niche), go back the next time they have open mike night, sign up, go up on stage, and bomb!! The thing is, you’ll probably have a couple of jokes that will work. Save those and throw the others out. Write new ones and go back the next time and keep building up your routine. Eventually, you’ll have some strong material that you could use anywhere you perform. But remember that you’ll be playing to different audiences and different audience “types” when you start going out into the real world, so make sure you have a LOT of strong material.

One time I did a gig with 3 other comedians. When we got to the gig, we were told to do only T.V. clean material (which basically means PG on the rating scale). The other three comedians didn’t have that many clean jokes, so it fell on me to carry the show. We did a great hour-long show…and I was about 40 minutes of it.

If and when you get paid, it isn’t going to be a lot. Back in the 1980’s, there was a comedy trend…or we could even call it a fad. That’s when stand-up comedy was in it’s heyday!! But it didn’t even make it to the end of the decade. Though stand-up comedy is still out there, it isn’t as stylish as it once was…

They used to have television shows on the major networks of stand-up comedians doing 10-20 minutes of T.V. clean sets…different comedians every week. Some of those comedians went on to bigger and better careers (Jerry Seinfeld, Tim Allen, Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, etc.) and others went all the way of the world (comedians you haven’t heard of before). Those that have made it are making a SHIPLOAD of money…the rest are getting $50-$100 bucks a set at the comedy clubs around the country and having to travel from dive to dive. Now, I will tell you that they are making more money than that at the better comedy clubs (Evening at the Improv, The Comedy Store, etc.), but it isn’t as easy to get booked into those places. You have to keep treading, trudging, and touring. Can you do that? If not, read no further.

Which brings us to the next part of the process:

You either need to have someone who really supports your career (who doesn’t mind seeing you once in a blue moon when you’re out on the road, who doesn’t mind that you don’t make much money, who doesn’t mind you coming home at 2:00 – 3:00 a.m., who doesn’t mind you making jokes about them or yourself, etc.), or you have to be alone until you make it big (hold your breath). That’s how most of the people who have made it have done it. They were married to their work. After they made it big, then they could afford to have a relationship. Can you hold off on relationships for a decade or so? If not, read no further.

Now I’m going to touch lightly on writing your material…and I say lightly because this can be a whole article all by itself…go back and read my post about How to Be Funny.

Until then, know this: The best material for you comes from you. When I first started doing stand-up comedy, I took a class from a very talented comedian who didn’t understand my kind of humor…so he had everybody else in the class write me some jokes. At the next open mike night, I attempted to tell the jokes that were written for me…can you say BOMB?!!! Actually, in the middle of the set, I looked at my instructor and told him that the stuff that he had written for me wasn’t working. The audience laughed. I went into some of my own material and the audience howled. Can you say KILLED?!! I knocked their socks off, but I used my stuff, the material that I was most comfortable with. I know that’s just the tip of the iceberg, but there will be more information to help take you to the next level in just a few days. Can you wait that long? If not, read no further.

Hocus Pocus!! You’re funny!!

It doesn’t happen that way. I wish it did…it would make my job of teaching people how to be funny easier. It is not an overnight process. You’re going to have to work hard, it’s always going to have to be on the tip of your mind, and you’re going to have to get used to being laughed at…not in the good way.

Have you ever heard a baby laugh? It is one of the most delightful sounds in world. I recently heard a man say that babies laugh when they make new connections with their brains…but it got me to thinking that it’s not just babies. We all laugh when we make a new connection with our brain. We hear or see something that has a twist, changes our perception of the way we were looking at it normally, or it is something completely different (as Monty Python would say) and it catches us off guard.

With that in mind, it’s time to teach you the process of being funny!!

First the outline:

I- FIND YOUR AUDIENCE
II- GET THE RIGHT MATERIAL
III- DON’T JUMP RIGHT IN…START LITTLE, START SLOW, AND START WITH A SHORT STORY.
IV- THRUST AND PARRY, THRUST AND PARRY…

Now the meat!!

I- FIND YOUR AUDIENCE

You, and only you, know the kind of people you want to hang out with, the ones that make you laugh…the ones who you want to make laugh. Start with people you know and love. You’ve probably already made them laugh before, now you’re just going to focus your efforts. If you don’t know your audience, do everything in your power to get to know them. How are you going to be funny if you don’t know how to catch them off guard? Most good comedians, when they hit a comedy club in a town that they aren’t familiar with, will ask around…”what’s the popular hangout…what ______________ (part of town, rival school, politician, etc.) does everybody around here joke about…what is this town famous for?” The comedian will integrate that stuff into the act and the audience will laugh and be impressed. You can do that…it just takes some getting to know your audience…oh yeah, and practice.

II- GET THE RIGHT MATERIAL

A few years ago, American Express did a commercial during the Super Bowl where Jerry Seinfeld was trying to do comedy in England and fell flat on his face. He used his American Express card to get to know the English people better…going to local pubs, hanging out in the neighborhoods, and attending the sporting events. When he knew their style of humor and their esoteric ways, he was a hit on stage with his humor!!
This is not only “finding your audience”, but it shows that he went out and “lived” the material…he didn’t just write it. Yeah, I know it was a commercial and not even real, but it perfectly conveys the message I want to get across here. The best material for you is the stuff that you can relate to. Your stories…your humor…your writing.
Let’s delve a little more into that category…YOU!!…your best source of material.
Let’s make a short list of things that are funny in your life:

*Your most embarrassing moment – For me, this was the 8th grade Christmas Concert (a future blog)
*Your idiosyncrasies – Unless you’re trying to fit in, be normal, or be average, you have idiosyncrasies that can be used to draw on your powers of humor. Some comedians even use these as their trademark…Sam Kinison, Howie Mandell, Steven Wright to name just a few.
* Your fears – if you go to my entertainer website, www.SEntertainer.com and go to the “Comic” page, you can listen to a sound byte of some stand-up that I did about some of my fears. Everybody has fears so they can relate.
* Truth is Stranger than Fiction – I’ll tell you the whole story sometime, but for now I will tell you that this is all true: A clown was signing a contract in a casino lounge during 2 conventions (a convention for “little people” and a convention for “quadriplegic people”) while sitting next to a balloon skeleton. Very funny…and you can’t make up that kind of stuff!!
* Make your life more interesting by making normal = abnormal. For example, I tell people that I have been married 2 ½ times. I also tell people that I’m only 6 years old (which is true…in doggy years).
* Times when you were witty or clever. If you have started following my advice from the how to be quick-witted article, you may have some great material wherein you were quick and witty.
* Ask people you know if they can think of a time that they thought you were funny. You may be surprised how many times people have laughed at you…in a good way!!

III- DON’T JUMP RIGHT IN…START LITTLE, START SLOW, AND START WITH A SHORT STORY.

One of the most painful, yet memorable episodes of The Brady Bunch is when Peter is feeling like he had no personality, so he decided to become “funny.” As a result, he was telling jokes (one-liners) and doing impressions (“pork chops and applesauce”). He went about it all wrong. He tried to tell jokes that had been written already and every time he did, someone else told the punch line…(one of the reasons you should draw from personal experiences). Finally Mike Brady (the dad) told him to be himself…that’s what I’m telling you to do. But now I’m telling you start small…don’t create a whole routine, just have a couple of funny stories about yourself ready for the right moment (don’t tell jokes, tell short stories…there are some people who can get away with telling jokes, but they are usually seasoned humorists and they know the right time and the right place). In a conversation, slip it in (your story) and wait for the reaction. Either, they didn’t laugh because they weren’t your right audience or maybe your story wasn’t as funny as you thought it was (don’t worry, that happens to everybody), OR they DID laugh…meaning you were in the right place at the right time, with the right audience.
IV- THRUST AND PARRY, THRUST AND PARRY…

This just means practice, practice, practice… You should know and expect the fact that you are going to fail sometimes…more times than not. But after a while you’re going to get the hang of it and you’ll be able to keep up with a crowd of people or blow someone away in a one-on-one conversation.
Get in there and get messy and bloody…say to yourself, “Even if I go down in flames, I’m excited that I went through it…I feel the rush of adrenaline running through my veins because I did it.” (This, by the way is one of the life skill lessons that I will be writing about soon). Then go back and try it again!! It’s thrilling!!
Now you know how to be funny!! Maybe now would be the time to say, “Hocus Pocus, you’re funny,” but until you go through these steps to make yourself funny, it will probably just backfire and get me!!

Good luck, break a leg, and make ‘em laugh!!